I have a MEGA confession to make.
There were several times in my life where I was a total people pleaser.
I wanted everyone to like me. I wanted them to notice me. To be my biggest cheerleader as I took on my big ideas.
Maybe I was doing all these things to prove a point – that I could. And I did. Always the sayer and the doer and constantly accepting the challenge.
For the most part, I had that. A tribe of individuals who stood by my side and supported every single adventure I found myself in from an entrepreneurial standpoint.
All, but one.
My husband Sean.
If you’ve read my books in the past, or are reading this first post catching up on my story, he and I had some rocky moments in our marriage, and when I look back on how things transpired, I couldn’t quite see it.
I blamed him for being an unsupportive husband who didn’t believe I could do it.
The honest truth?
He did, but how he projects his feelings and excitement and what I expected of him were completely off base. We really are total opposites.
I’m the “happy smiley love on you” type of girl and he’s the “quiet, blend with the crowd” type. Public speaking? Oh, put me in coach. Sean? The man would rather die.
I wanted the “rah-rah,” “pat me on the back” all damn day kind of husband. What I got was the occasional half-smile and “great job, Tisha,” which led me to believe he didn’t care one iota.
I was desperately seeking MORE and when I didn’t see he was the cheerleader type I needed him to be, it took a huge toll on my affection for him and nearly split us apart on more than one occasion.
I kept thinking Sean was the problem, but in all fairness, he wasn’t.
I hadn’t learned how to be my own biggest cheerleader. To show me love. To notice me first.
I was so busy trying to control how I wanted him to see me and show up in my life that I missed this incredibly important lesson on self-love, self-worth, and respect.
As I sat on a park bench watching Ellie play on the swings one fall afternoon, it hit me hard and I started to write. I frantically wrote all these feelings down and it started to take shape in the form of a poem. Mind you, I haven’t written a poem since I was in 6th grade when I won my school’s poetry contest, so something must have been brewing in that head of mine.
In the end, I knew.
I didn’t need to work on how Sean communicated with me and showed me support in his own way. He is who he is and after 16 years at this business adventure and in marriage, he really has supported my love of risk-taking every single day without saying a word but through his actions.
I needed to work on loving and noticing me.
It didn’t matter what he or anyone else thought of me. What mattered the most was knowing that I believed in me. That I AM my biggest cheerleader. The raving fans, the doting husband? It was the cherry on top.
We can’t control what others think of us or how they show up in our lives. And we certainly can’t be Sally Fields in her infamous Oscar speech.
We can’t expect people to really “like” us if we don’t first learn to like ourselves.
When I understood that very simple way of living life and not placing my insane expectations on Sean or anyone else, I finally found my personal version of freedom and fulfilling my purpose. And the whole world started to change.
I was no longer the people pleaser. Instead, I became me. Putting myself out there the very best way I know how – authentically.
It’s immensely powerful in how we choose to show up each and every day by having this undeniable belief:
YOU ARE AN EXCEPTIONAL BEING MAKING AMAZING HAPPEN.
Other people already know that. The million-dollar question is, “Do you?”
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Rule of Life Lesson #99: