I remember the first personality test I took back in 2015. The results spoke volumes to me and not in a good way. It shared that I was, indeed, a people pleaser and cared a lot about what other people thought of me often letting their thoughts or lack of consume my precious headspace.
Looking back through life, even more recently, the test was absolutely right.
For whatever reason, I tried so hard to get every person I ever had a conversation with to like me, to show up as I would in their life and when they didn’t, I fell hard and couldn’t shake the emotions I was feeling.
Some of these very people I’m speaking of are, in fact, my close family. I had placed certain expectations on them to be more involved in my life as I was in theirs and we all know what happens when you do that.
It’s a crushing disappointment.
Last year, when I hit the big 40, I threw myself a massive birthday party at our house and invited my closest friends and family to celebrate with me. Some friends traveled over an hour to get to our house. As the party continued, I kept wondering if my sister-in-law would show. She lived in our neighborhood about three minutes away from us. About half-way through, I received a text. “I’m not going to make it. I’m really tired. Happy birthday.”
In a house full of family and friends laughing it up and celebrating, I let THIS get to me and consume my headspace.
Because I know I would never do that to her or anyone especially living just down the street. No matter how tired I was, I wouldn’t make excuses or not show up at all. Her saying that to me was a hurtful reminder of all the times I showed up for her in her time of need and how she, once again, let me down.
A friend who was at the party could tell my face oozed disappointment after I received the text. She pulled me aside and offered up some advice. “Tisha, why do you let one person not showing up affect you this much when you have a house full of people who love and support you who did? Think about. Let it go.”
Months later, my dear friend Mario, echoed a similar way of thinking saying, “Tisha, there are two types of people who exist in this world with no gray area in between. You have the givers who always show up and help you in this world without any expectation and you have the takers who always want something from you and use you for their benefit even if you can’t see it at the time.
As I’ve kept Mario’s words in mind, it has gotten easier to decide who I choose to surround myself with and who I keep at a distance.
Think about the many people who walk in and out of your life.
Can you tell the difference?
Are they adding to your life or taking away from it?
The lesson here is to simplify your life. Store your positive energy for people who need your light and truly appreciate the gift you are to them. Focus on the people and projects that truly matter to you, which includes saying “no” and learning to let go of the people who don’t.
Rule of Life Lesson #118:
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